I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
