You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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