i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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