Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
