I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
