is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
