Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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