wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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