My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
