Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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