I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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