I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize