wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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