I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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