Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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