woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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