my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
