I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
