I didn't shave. On purpose
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
