I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
