I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
