I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
