shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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