there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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