guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You pole danced in your parka.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize