Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
