I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
