Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
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