Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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