I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
