Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize