I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
