Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize