she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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