Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize