mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
