Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
