Don't make out with my wife yet
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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