You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
