Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
