Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize