My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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