i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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