what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
