I wanna bring you to show and tell
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think pants incapable of making pants work
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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