if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
