if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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