I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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