Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
