Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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