Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize