I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize