You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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