Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
