**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
