you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
