there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
