this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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