Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
