found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
