You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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