I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
