I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
