I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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