i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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