I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
